One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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