My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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