he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
don't judge my taste in strippers
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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