Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
