Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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