my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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