We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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