They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
