like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
