So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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