Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize