What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
