I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I still have a little drunk in my system
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
