Whats the glycemic index on semen?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
