I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
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