My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
