Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
