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He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
