I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize