the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize