remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
