I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
