She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
