Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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