At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
