Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
