Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
