I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
