What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
