My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
What did we do last night that was yellow?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
