ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You can't just leave with hair like that
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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