Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
