If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
