You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
