Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
