I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
