Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
