Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
