He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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