you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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