My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
