i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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