maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
