He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
