I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
