She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
