don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
