I hope mine doesn't look like that
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You can't just leave with hair like that
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
