Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
