Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Boobs are out for the taking
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
