I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
