OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
