and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Do vagina's smell?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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