none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Yo dont text me then not text me
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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