I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
