all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We are all done wearing pants today
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
