I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
