It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
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