I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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