:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
How does it feel to date your dad?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
