they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
