Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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