ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
