your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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