Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
