he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
